Hi life!

Tired ! Tired I am , of being responsible.

Tired if being mechanical, Tired of actions,

Tired of doing things I never wanted to ,

Tired of pleasing, Tired of situations and their consequences , but ,not tired of life .

I am not tired of going back to,

Not tired of going back home to us,

Not tired of sleeping with you, not tired of your smell , not even tired of your tired forlorn face,,not tired of being a part of your life.

Not tired of your solace which speaks a lot as a matter of fact that speaks a lot .

That messy face and that messy bun you make while you wake up holding your clip between your teeth and tying it up before you’re up for the shower with just a glace left at my so sleeping face…

Your “wake up you’re late face” when you’re at the verge if leaving for office,

Not tired of your calls in between like ” I was wondering what to have for lunch/ are we eating out for dinner there’s nothing to cook ”

Your lazy Sundays when you kick me out of the bed and ask me ” your turn to open the door ” ,

I’m not tired of buying groceries anymore ,

Not tired of forgetting our anniversaries , and your grumpy face .

Not tired of waiting at the parking lot down your office , waiting for your ” it’s an important meeting ” to end .

Waiting for you to through your heels after your drunk at the pub .not tired of being there to hold your hair while you make the comode so much comfortable to throw up while you’re drunk …..

Not tired at all…. as I say ….

Not tired of you singing wrong lyrics you sing in the shower and I laugh or smirk …

Not tired of you forgetting the towel …

Not tired of you always asking for 5 minutes to change before going out …

Not tired of you picking me up When I say I’m not feeling sleepy …

Not tired when you play kishore and rafi or worse get my guitar when you see me off ties…

I’m not tired of you fixing my collar and my tucked up shirts as I leave ….

Not tired of snorting like a pig right next to me….

Not tired when you’re on your second day of period and whine about why I didn’t buy you that Belgian chocolate ice cream last summer….

I love it…. when I’m not so tired of removing the hair strands falling on your face when you were making that Apple pie for me and you had your hands dirty….

I’m not tired of life….

Hi….life…. now so I am not tired… coffee ?!

Advertisements

MATUR-ED

Slowly every one left , one mail after the other, the cubicles turned out empty , in the end of each mail they left a note stating “Hope we cross each other’s path someday “. People leave , that’s hard and a truth reality , the parents of our own they aren’t immortal , I know hard truth but you’ve to make your grounds strong enough for yourself , cause in that safe corner of your house it’s you going alone and making a place for yourself to lean on to not always a shoulder.

We grow up , sound matured from the outside it’s like refurbishing the exteriors before Diwali , from the inside we soaked solitude . Lot of people would differ on that point, not because they aren’t alone , but because they are just not ready to accept the fact. We are so matured today when the word love pops up it’s always relationship with your partner , ask yourself is it the only love you crave ? We are so aroused by the peer pressure that we have words like OOTD,11:11 Wishes , where we just sound matured when we are talking news about being open minded or about feminism or about being a masochist or rapes . We remember our parents especially our mother’s on mother’s day , write quotes and then we’re done and dusted , how many of us are really aware of fathers day unless some YouTube vedio popped on your recommended ? But we are matured cause we have suffered heartbreaks ,we are so matured that after one heartbreak we state not to trust any human especially that gender from whom it came from . But we are matured , we are matured that we believe in rumours , we are matured cause we have trust issues on the 8 year old friendship than that 4 month relationship , we have trust on that you when you made a career decision, just because mba seemed fancy we did it ? Cause someone somewhere did an mba and is earning lakhs and your parents have been whining to your ears. We are so matured that we crib to buy the trendiest and the sassiest phones and apparel from the market , where we make friends based on social status, where Friday’s are supposed to be #slosshed and Saturdays are all about #brunchscenes oh wait we forgot about the #netflixandchill . We are matured we say , but we aren’t giving a damn about the US we stay about the environment but we have plans for 10 years down the line ….

So for all the matured people one question

“What if you don’t wake up tomorrow morning ? , did you live today enough ?”

All about us and not you !

That or those drunk nights we spent on our own , drinking or driving the sinews to be supposedly okay better than the one decision you take while you were all nerves and flesh bloods,that intoxicated peace you live and sleep off thinking that you’re off your habits of sleeping off like what you’ve been doing else while , you know how’s you you exactly want to be the sober one . That natural seems to be quite real , while you could be essesentially all that you could have been .

Let’s use the unparliamentary word called called fuck , we improvise the word inclusive to the situations we are in . Dilapidating the feelings that’s you’d be your own mirror image . Your rap of your own feelings , echoing in your own mind. Where do you go down to ? …..
Same down the memory lane !
People leave you on the journey towards the end they just meet you halfway or on way or onwards , live and let live is the propaganda how much do we really do that ? Ever ? Once twice ?

Feelings, we all crib about , we grow and cried learning we all have our price of tears . The ones we fail to express the ones people fail to catch up to…. are we all good?
Am I good ? Asking me …. asking yourself.

Do you ever wake up stand up to a mirror and feel that smile and zeal to smile up to or upfront ? …..

Lol on or in yourself…… life is all about you ! There’s no “us” in it! Just like an atm it’s a standalone device !

The night no one spoke of !

She cried that night , staring blank at the screen , the vision blurring every now and then , staring at just one text , in the dark room , the only thing that lit her face up every day was his call , was the same this time it was a text this time tho, she unlocked the phone with the same excitement which lasted till the curve of smile turned upside down , like everytime she had a lot to say and it started with “you know what happened..” which never ended before hours ,not atleast before the dawn hit, she skipped a beat , well cause she knew his texts usually ended up on him to switch to calls , ah that long distance relationship where you make the nights your story telling session with your “each others”,
To her expectation he never failed to SUPRISE her even this time , well for a change this time he made it to the tears , as they shined as pearls as it curved down her nose tip shining like one , she stood blank , ran through thoughts like flipping a book with million pages of blanks she called it as memories , she knew what went wrong , she called it “it’s the time , this time ” in bolds , in a cold thought of her she was still staring at those words and thinking if she could unread those ! If she could fix the “over” part ! Just this time , the dam broke as she sipped over in the last whiskey left in the glass , placed it back to the desk , tilting it to the left due to imperfections of the coaster beneath, she couldn’t get over the habit of not replying to him, looked over the text and as her fingers ran involuntarily she typed
” I hope you didnt have your dinner , finish it off you’ve an early office tomorrow ” . Just made a difference of not leaving it to an “I love you”

She pinned something to her work desk that night as she played his favourite song from a rock band she hated ; ” not every one makes it to a happily every after, and sometimes our “happily ever after ” is just numbered to days

The Unlike Morning

Woke up beside the same old ashtray ,
With the same old quill drenched in the inkpot ,
The same old blots over the face , the same ink smudged face , hair untied , she was looking for her glasses , yawning , pretending Not to open the eyes ,
Remarkably she grabbed the semi warm cup of coffee gulped it , and stood by the balcony , as she shivered on the morning chills , she hummed her favourite tune , it wasn’t the last day to her college assignments , rather a new start to her being a writer !

From the other end of the window, the painter found his new sketch to drawn, he was waiting for the canvas to wake up !

Uncategorized!

Well it was one fine night , I mean one of those random Nights !
Well once can’t really control the thoughts, they have no “word limits ” to them , every one is a THINKER , we always observe , but it’s dependant on whom or what or how relevant it is , we categorise our thoughts, just like we categorise or priorities our work , agendas , people and ya also us sometimes . We want us to be heard and to spoke to , we all are looking for a second us in someone else with a better version , some people disagree upfront but isn’t that quite universal, we want the us to be seen and felt in whatever way it might be , through someone else , just like sometimes we know what our problem is we still end up being sceptical about it , but when it comes from someone we are soothed to a decision making point . we are independent as we say , rather the word self-sufficient we use ? Are we ? You’d pay your 10 hours to grind at work and earn your materialistic happiness come back home ? 30 days later you get credited with happiness? You sure ? You don’t miss someone while you’re having that coffee , or while it’s the first rain and you’re enjoying the Petrichor sitting on the window pane with your leg dangling , do you not really want to go on a drive and talk nothing and enjoy it with someone who enjoys the “silence” too ? . Okay here we are we give up so easily on the thing we care about metaphorically a heart & love , that once you live it with someone and your dream breaks you stop dreaming ? And you resent to what being a loner ? Do you give up ? Okay we all get it where you taking it to , so you mean you reach the top of happiness and be rich drive sassy cars etc , who do you spend your happiness on now , cause 40 years down the line , you’d rather be joking on your past rather than sitting in an arm chair with equipped medics and still doing Netflix?

Step up , take a step ! It’s always never too late to start again , you deserve it , don’t fear this time , there’s nothing to lose !